My oldest son is 14 right now. Watching him grow has been fascinating, reminding me we genuinely are each a miracle. I have often wanted to protect him from many things in the world. I’m continually faced with the question of, “What should I protect him from, and what should I let him experience?” When he does experience difficult things, how do I walk with him through it? And how does this balance change over time as he matures?

In the role of protection, everyone can cultivate an environment for a leader to grow in by:

1. Understanding your role as a protector
2. Protecting against the right things
3. Allowing the right things
4. Individualizing protection

Understanding our role as protector

Let's be honest. We are not in control. We are not ultimately able to protect against all danger. And yet, as a leader, we have the role to protect.

My faith provides hope and guidance because my role as a protector is an opportunity to display part of God’s character to others. To protect from danger is a calling to be a shepherd-leader. This calling will require courage and commitment.

Protecting against the right things

From what do I protect?

It's natural to think of protection from danger and threats. When we see someone making a decision that will hurt them or others, we should step in to protect them. But there is another kind of protection that is needed, protection from being misled.

God often uses failure to refine us or direct us somewhere we would otherwise not willfully go.

We live in a world continually clamoring for our attention and our devotion. Approval, success, health, and possessions on their own are not dangerous, but they become so when they take the central place in our life. When we seek them for life, we are being misled. We are seeking life where there is no life.

To cultivate leaders, both ourselves and others, we must help them see not only where they can find life but where they can't. They must replace their old pursuit with the pursuit of something pure, right and satisfying. If we fail to do this, then those we seek to protect will often return to that earlier substitute because the need remains, and no other option is given. Our role of protection as a leader is to point them to a better provision.

Allowing the right things

If I’m primarily protecting against danger and false pursuits, then that leaves many things from which I’m not protecting.

One example is failure. People need to experience failure; it is a part of learning.
I'm not talking about a failure that puts anymore in significant danger. Think about when someone didn't want your help but then what they're trying to do fails. They tend to be more open to others helping them in the future. Even when you don’t protect someone from failure, you can still play a critical role in protecting them from wasting this learning experience.

Three common mistakes when responding to failure are:

1. Dismissing
2. Forgetting
3. Consuming

Dismissing failure or blaming it solely on external circumstances shirks one's responsibility as a leader and misses a massive opportunity for growth. A leader needs to take ownership of their part, and only their part.

How often do we make the same mistake twice? As a leader, help others remember what happen in the past and learn from it. Help them identify concrete areas they can change.

To cultivate leaders, both ourselves and others, we must help them see not only where they can find life but where they can't.

The danger of taking responsibility for our failures and remembering them is that they can consume and eventually enslave us. People need reminding of where their security, self-worth, approval, and love originate. Only from this place of security can they be free to engage openly and learn from their failures.

Another helpful question to ask here is, "Is there a redeeming gift hidden in this failure?" Maybe I needed to let something go but wouldn't have been willing outside of failure. God often uses failure to refine us or direct us somewhere we would otherwise not willfully go. The book Leading with a Limp has significantly helped me see how failure helps me grow as a leader.

‍

Individualizing protection

We are all different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, have different life stories, and are at different stages in the process of maturing. This diversity is why one-size-fits-all approaches should be avoided.

Some questions to consider for individualizing protection:

1. Will this person grow more from exposure than from protection?
2. Are they at a critical stage where more protection is needed? Sometimes a greenhouse (protected and controlled) environment is what’s best for the time.
3. Is there a wound from the past that needs to be exposed (not protected) so it can be dealt with and healed?
4. Are they at a place where protection is no longer needed? Perhaps they more require processing than protection.

To answer these questions will take much reflection and discernment to answer. Protection is a challenging role because it lacks a formula for success. You may feel like you are constantly trying to navigate a tension between over-protection and neglect.

Protection is also tricky because you often stand between someone and danger. This posture puts you at risk. Protection is lived out not solely in a moment but in journeys with others, and it will be lived out at a cost. This cost, however, is worth it. You can learn the other roles of cultivating leaders such as providing, pruning, waiting, resting and restarting.